Tonight, for the first time, I said “I am gay” out loud.
I was canvassing to get out the vote and convince people to vote no on both amendments, and an older man said that he was voting yes on the marriage amendment. When I’ve been trained by MN United for a phonebank or canvass, they’ve always told me that the best way to change someone’s mind is to share a personal story. I didn’t want to tell him that I’m queer and then have to explain what queer means, so I just said that I’m gay. The ironic thing is that I’ve been feeling less queer and more gay lately. Maybe I’m getting over my fear of actually being a lesbian. Maybe this is just a phase in my long, confusing discovery of my sexuality. Maybe I want to be a lesbian because I think a concrete label will help me understand who I am. I really don’t know.
I told the man that I was gay and that I wanted the same rights as everyone else. I told him that I didn’t want to make his church marry me - I just wanted a civil marriage license and the chance to walk down an aisle in a white dress. I doubt that I changed his mind, but I still hope that I gave him a chance to understand how gay people feel. I hope he saw who I really am - just a quiet, scared, sad girl who desperately wants to be accepted by her state.